Up and Down

How tall do you have to be to ride an emotional rollercoaster?

Hitting some highs and lows since my last post.

Yesterday Cole took his very first steps.  I could barely hold back the happy tears!  He is just shy of 10 and 1/2 months old and here he was... tip toe'ing his way to his Mama.  He took one step to the cupboard.  I backed away and said "Come here!"  He then turned around and took 3 whole steps to me!  He was so proud of himself and to say I was overjoyed is an understatment!!

My baby boy is growing up so fast.  He's on. the. go.!!  He may be running by Christmas?!  We are in trouble, haha.  But on a plus side - Cole does know the meaning of the word 'No', and he listens very well!  We are blessed in that aspect - well, blessed in many aspects!

To see a child of ours sit, crawl and now walk -- just pure amazing!  Cole amazes me every single day.  I watch him play and it blows my mind  -- the things he can do.

Aidan and Ty amaze me every day as well.  Their innocent sweetness.  Their strength.  What they endure...

On the same day I watched our baby boy take his first steps, I also watched our oldest boy struggle.  So very, very much.  Aidan has been home from the hospital for almost 10 days now.  He did pretty well the first week.  Now, for whatever reason, he is right back to where he was... kicking, crying, screaming, arching  so far backwards.... His muscles are very hard, very toned.  He's hyperventilating.  Sweating. Everything that he had been experiencing for the past few months is happening again.  He has some breaks, had some good days....  Those good days really lifted our spirits.  The bad days send our hopes crashing down.  Though we still cling to even the tiniest bit of hope -- and the hope isn't necessarily for him to be 'better' or for him to be 'exactly' as he was prior to this supposed virus that kicked all this off. Our hope is to not see him suffer.  We hope to see peace in Aidan.  We hope to see comfort.  It's all we've ever wanted for our boys.

We are still boggled as to why Ty suffered for weeks and weeks, and yet came out of it.  Ty has been doing so well. He is eating like a champ - very much his usual self.  He is back to being on NO meds.  From a medical standpoint we can't say he is thriving, but in our eyes he is happy and comfortable (besides teething!).

Did the flu bug and cold he caught up in the Twin Cities catch up to Aidan?  Did it send him spiraling backwards every time another virus coursed through his little body?  Yet, Ty caught the same cold.  The same flu bug - and he pushed through.  Is Aidan's little body having a harder time fighting things?

No little kid should have to endure this kind of stuff -- as Jason says, What did Aidan ever do to deserve this??  We know the answer is... Aidan didn't do anything to deserve this.  It just is what it is.  We cannot change it...  It isn't fair.  It isn't right.  But it is what it is.

Jason and I have so many questions, and so many ideas for things we could try.  But really, we have tried everything to provide Aidan some comfort.  We often throw our hands in the air because literally nothing helps him at times.  A totally helpless feeling that just about kills us as parents.

Jason and I are both getting no sleep.  How does a parent lay their head down and get any rest when you hear your child struggling in the other room?  It is almost nonstop. Constant.  Very, very exhausting to hear and see your child go through something like this.  Cannot imagine how exhausted Aidan must be.

And yet we have to truck on.  We have to have some sense of normalcy for Cole, and for Ty, our middle child,  who teeters in the middle between being high needs and sometimes being the easiest kid ever to care for!

I've been looking through pictures again.  Seeing Aidan this summer - so happy, so healthy.  Seeing Ty change from a chunky baby to a little boy.  Looking through photos of Cole as a fuzzy head newborn to a charming little rugrat!  What... a year.  Blessings upon blessings, and some of the roughest patches that we as a family have faced thus far.  Have to focus on the blessings.

Fuzzy blondie baby Cole - 3 days old

Cole - after his first french fry!
7 months old

Tyler
20 months old - May 2011

_ Ty -
26 months old - November 2011

Aidan
One month before turning 2!
Summer 2010

- Aidan -
3 years old
August 2011

A lot of highs and lows in our household.  We see Cole soar - he thrives!  We see Ty fight his battles, and then push forward like a champ.  We see Aidan struggle - fight so, so hard.  We see moments of peace & relief - we hold our breath when these moments hit.  We are almost afraid to breathe because even the slightest noise will set Aidan off at times.  We see Aidan soldier on.  Strongest little guys, ever!

Still hoping & praying for Christmas peace & comfort.
All we want for Christmas is our 3 little boys smiling.