This is the year Aidan turns 7!

The other day in the car a song came on that took me back to when I was pregnant with him.  Anytime I heard this song, I rubbed my belly & the baby's tiny arms and legs would push back at me.  So very connected from the start.

Of all the songs I heard during my pregnancy, this was the one that brought tears to my eyes each time I heard it.  The song is called Kelsey... and had Aidan been a girl, that probably would have ended up being her name due to the sheer fact that I tied those lyrics so closely to the baby in my tummy.  And I know the song is about a girl, but the words fit regardless of gender.  It made me think about how much I had wanted this little baby...

So don't let anyone scare you
You know that I'll protect you
Always

Through the thick and thin,

Until the end
I'm always here for you,

I'll be here for you...

...the lyrics spelling out a need to protect & keep someone safe.  Parental protection kicked in even before I had Aidan... and at the time having no idea he would be born with a rare/terminal/severe brain condition and all the challenges that come along with it.

Now it's gonna get harder

And it's gonna burn brighter
And it's gonna feel tougher, each and every day.

I never envisioned Aidan's life journey would be this kind of tough.  As a parent, we never want our child to hurt, feel disappointment, to fail... I had no idea the level of protection and safety I would have to provide for Aidan.  It's a completely different level of love & care.  

The baby inside my tummy would forever be dependent upon me.  Typical children grow - and grow up.  We as parents teach them to be independent, to succeed.  I was about to have a baby who would forever be just that - a baby.  I had no idea what was to come... as I rubbed my baby bump, and felt all of Aidan's movements.  I had no idea what was in store for me and my baby... 

So let me say...

that I love you,

You're all I've ever wanted,

All I've ever dreamed of to come.
You know I'm so...
I'm so in love you. 

It was always there.  That all encompassing love that just swallows you up.  You feel it from the top of your head to the tips of your toes.  So when Aidan did finally arrive, that deep, innate love took over.  Despite the diagnoses/the shock/the separation during the NICU... that love that was there from the start helped me be strong for my baby.

This baby, who would forever need me to look out for his every need, always.

And 7 years later, I wouldn't have it any other way.  I don't think I'll ever be able to describe how blessed I am to have him as my son, my firstborn.  Not many moms get to experience this type of love (and heartbreak all at once). It's not something I take for granted.  This journey is hard - it's different - but it's ours.

My sweet Aidan,

This is the year you officially became the littlest big brother. Ty and Cole have both passed you up in size.  You are little, but mighty.

This is the year you lost your first tooth!  The tooth fairy has visited 3 times to be precise!  Cheeky, toothy grins from Aidan!

This is the year your lungs have begun to require almost constant oxygen.  More & more bouts of apnea/ceasing to breathe.  Breaks my heart... but your smiles still carry such reassurance.  No doubt you are the stronger of us two.

This is the year you became incredibly sick & weak, for an entire month.  Days & nights spent in the hospital with you, doing everything I could to nurse you back to health.  Your resilience amazes me daily.

This is the year you've received the best therapists & teachers to date.  They have pushed you (gently) to do more/be more/reach more goals.  You always work so hard & make me so very proud.

This is the year I've seen you interact with both your brothers even more so.  A bond that could never be broken or replicated.

This is the year you turn SEVEN.

An achievement in itself.

Happy birthday, Aidan!