Entering G-Tube Nation!

Ty and Aidan cuddling on the couch today!

I admit, I have been waking up in a panic the past few nights, thinking about two of my babies being wheeled into surgery.  People have been asking me if I am nervous as the big day approaches.  I am anxious - this is my little ones we are talking about!  For the most part though, I am just sad. I am sad that they even have to endure such things.  I feel horrible that they need to have a surgery in the first place.  I get weepy thinking about the pain they might have afterwards - especially after finally feeling better following these past rough months.

As a Mother of two children who cannot walk, talk, roll over, sit up, etc.... I hold tightly to the one 'typical' thing they can do - eat by mouth.  I am sure parents of children with brain injuries can relate.  We hold closely to the things our kids can do.  And it's not that Aidan and Ty can't eat by mouth anymore.  They can (Tyler especially goes bonkers for his bottles still, ha!).  They just don't always do it efficiently or consistently.  We always knew it would someday get to the point where they might need a gtube.  I'm glad they will be going through this together.  Two very strong brothers.

Part of me feels like a failure as a Mom because I can't feed them anymore.  Or, that I can't keep up with their nutritional needs by feeding them by mouth alone. They are getting too big and with Cole to keep up with, I don't have all the time in the world to sit and feed them.  I do miss that.  I miss holding them and feeding them. Nowadays, I just do it every so often.  Ty still loves his bottles - so when I hear him call for them (yes, he has certain sounds for his particular 'wants'), I stop what I am doing and feed him a bottle.  For now, since Aidan is just recently feeling better, I have only been giving him water by mouth.
  
We are ready though for this next chapter in their care. Although I admit, we are very new to the gtube scene.  We have a lot to learn!  I am reasonably nervous, mostly about them being put under. Anesthesia can work in mysterious ways with children who have brain conditions.  Thankfully, we really like the surgeon and feel comfortable with our boys being in his care.  I am confident our boys will shine as 'pediatric surgery patients'.  =)

We know it will bring them more comfort because the NG tubes will be out of those noses!  And, we will never have to worry about having a way to feed them - there will always be a way.  So if they have a day where they are particularly sleepy, we can still feed them (Kids with brain injuries are notorious for having very random sleep patterns!).  If they are sick, we can just let them sleep and still feed them at the same time.  I know this will be a huge relief to us. Another plus side - they can still eat by mouth anytime they want after they become 'Tubies'.

We luckily had some time to get used to using pumps, as we have kept the NG tubes in their nose for sometime now - to maintain optimal health & nutrition as they get ready for surgery.  So, we are familiar with the pumps, the tubes, those ugly IV poles (which we ditched!  We just lay their feeding bags in 'just the right' position on the couch or by their beds).

While I'm anxious, nervous, sad (a whole potluck of emotions).. I am also a bit relieved - our boys will be joining the Gtube Nation -- they have tons of little buddies who also have tubes!  And our boys will rock their 'G's with style!  I already bought them some of these button buddies to replace the boring medical gauze one would use around their gtube site!

As a Mama, it will be hard to say goodbye to their cute, bare little tummies (the adorable bellies they were born with!) - and to see a button from here on out.  Hard to imagine a hole being put into your child.  But this is a life saving hole.  I try to remind myself that!  It's a big adjustment for us and for our boys, who up until now have required little to no medical interventions (thankfully!).  I am positive they will do great in surgery and they will heal fast!

So there you have it - my rambles thought process as I get ready for my kids to become Tubies!  All in all, I wish my kids didn't have to endure certain things.  They are such strong, amazing boys.  At the same time, I am glad there is a such a thing as a gtube.  It will no doubt increase their quality of life, which as parents, is our ultimate goal.  To give our kids the best life we can.

An example picture of a gtube...

  

And... a few pictures of the boys baring their Bellies!!!

Ty Ty at 13 months old.
*btw, Happy Leap Year!
Cole is 13 months old today!

Tyler lounging in his jammy pants!

A picture from this week!
Hanging in his chair!

Aidan at 10 months old.
Giving me the 'side glance', haha.

Daddy and Aidan earlier this week!

Happy Aidan!

I will keep Aidan and Ty's caring bridges updated before and after their surgeries!  Thank you for all the prayers and positive healing vibes!!!

xoxo

Ty posing for the camera & Aidan giggling =)