Still Looking Up

We all hit those moments in life where we endure loss, tragedy, chaos, or life altering change...  There's nothing quite like the feeling of being able to breath again.  Jason & I have been holding our breath for the past 4 months.  We watched in horror as our two oldest boys clung to life... thinking we may lose them yet holding onto to hope so tightly that at times it hurt.

Our kids are doing great now.  I love that I can type that.  I never gave up on Aidan and Ty.  Though we heard from numerous doctors that 'this was their time'... and even though we saw them physically go through something that surely no adult could survive... I never doubted the strength of my kids.  I know that someday it will be their time.  Looking back, we honestly did not know if 'this was it' - we have been slowly preparing ourselves for that since the day Aidan & Ty were born.  Thankfully their story here with us is not done.  If anyone could push through something so fierce as what our boys experienced these past few months - it would be our boys!

I love that I have an even greater appreciation for my children now.  I'm just plain blown away.  If you saw the things we saw, if you saw Aidan and Ty at their worst... and then saw them now... It's just amazing.  They are back to their old selves!  And we are so, so thankful.

We still aren't sure what exactly caused them both to change - like a flip of a light switch.  Doctors said it was 'their condition deteriorating'.  'This is them dying'.  We were told it could have been a virus... or just their brains overreacting to their surroundings.  Whatever it was (the flu shot they received a week prior to them changing?  Severe dehydration?)... Whatever it was, it was a total nightmare. Something no kid should ever have to experience.

I will never forget the day Ty stopped eating.  The day his face changed & became contorted.  The constant crying & screaming.  The day we took him to the hospital, thinking we were going to lose him.  I will never forget seeing Aidan kick his legs so hard that he eventually ended up breaking a bone.  I will never forget the look of pain on his face.   Seeing him rail thin and in a constant sweat.  We are so thankful to be past all that - to see the precious smiles on their faces!  We will never, ever take a smile for granted!

And little Cole - how happy he remained, even when our family was in utter chaos.  The way he always reaches out for his brothers, even as a little baby, even before he turned one - he just knew that his brothers needed him.

I am so proud to be the Mama of 3 amazingly strong little men.  I'm so glad that we had hope through this all.  We had so many people behind us - praying for us, supporting us, thinking of us.  It's a very powerful, unspoken thing.  Love propelling hope for our family.  We are so grateful.

Jason and I hit moments where we felt like we had nothing left to give but we pushed each other.  It was so hard to see our kids go through what seemed like unimaginable pain & suffering - but we pushed through!  And we weren't alone. We had friends, family & 'strangers' right along side us.

Now we settle back into normalcy.  It's quiet at our house (besides the basement renovation that has picked back up!). The kids are safe & happy.  Jason and I are stronger than we've ever been.  Our family trucks on!  Now that Aidan & Ty are at a healthy weight again, they are set for surgery this Friday, March 2nd.  They will be getting their gtubes in their bellies (they can still eat by mouth if they want, this will just be a backup way to feed them if needed).  We are nervous & anxious as this will be their very first surgery.  We pray they will remain healthy as they get close to the big day & that they heal fast afterwards!  Please keep our little guys in your thoughts as they become 'tubies'!  I will keep everyone updated through their caring bridge sites (Aidan and Tyler).

I feel like we've just finally made our way out of a cold & dark storm.  Like we finally found that lost umbrella during a massive rainfall.  We made it through.

I won't give up on us.  

Even if the skies get rough.  

I'm giving you all my love.  

I'm still looking up.

~ Jason Mraz


Some recent pictures of our happy little boys =)

 Ty guy!

Napping with his Valentine from Grandpa

Doing what he loves best - eating & sleeping!

 Aidan, making his way back to himself!

Gave us smiles just in time for Cole's birthday!

Yes, he has chunked up! 

Snuggling with his Valentine frog.

A sneak peek from Cole's 1 year photo sesh.  

So handsome.

Cole playing his drums!

My 3 sweeties on Valentine's Day.