Coming Soon!!

Save the date! On or around October 4, 2009 the Tellinghuisen family will have a new addition! We are very excited to announce that Aidan will soon have a little brother or sister!

The news is a pleasant surprise to us, and we have to admit we are very nervous about the upcoming months…

We waited until our first ultrasound before telling our family and close friends. I think it is safe to say that after Aidan’s birth we are still suffering from the shock, the loss of a dream of a healthy baby, and the reality of having to watch our firstborn struggle and not necessarily thriving. Nothing can prepare you for the birth of a sick child.

This pregnancy is making me worry all over again, and wonder what I might have done wrong with Aidan. There never really was a “reason” for what happened to Aidan - just a random moment as the doctors describe it. But still I wonder - is it because I ate too much tuna? Did I have one too many hot dogs? Was it because I dyed my hair before I found out I was pregnant? Did I not lay on my left side enough? Did I overdose on Vitamin A? Was I exposed to some virus that went undetected? Were my cleaning products too harsh? Did I stand in front of the microwave too much?

I can worry all I want, and do everything in my power to try to stay safe, and still I feel this pregnancy is out of my hands. Out of my control. That is really a helpless feeling. I did everything I could to keep Aidan safe in my belly, and in the end it didn’t matter. Now I have to face these feelings with this pregnancy and hope that my body does not fail us again.

Jason is very excited, and I am trying very hard to not worry too much. I am still mostly numb, still a bit scared to get attached…most of my excitement is currently covered up by all the morning sickness (all day sickness!) that started right away! In between all the moments with my head buried in the toilet, and between staying busy with Aidan, I sometimes forget that there is a new little life inside me.

Will I be able to love another child as much as I love Aidan? Will Aidan know that Mommy has to share her love now? I feel a little guilty, as I’m sure all moms do when they get ready for their second child. I’m used to putting all my attention on one little man. Realistically I know that I have enough love to give to more than one child. I will now have two #1’s! (Jason - don’t worry, you are a #1 too, just in a different way!)

Is now the right time? (Too late now, eh!) Is there ever a “right” time to have another child? In some ways having another baby this soon will be harder - Aidan does have special needs, and I am not sure how he will be another 7 months from now. I am assuming he will still be like a newborn, so in a way it will be like having twins. In some ways I think it will be easier with Aidan’s situation, because he doesn’t cry, and overall is very easy-going. He is not going to be running around getting into everything like a normal 15 month old child would be. I do not know what it is like to have a normal baby, or a healthy baby. My only experience is taking care of a sick baby, and so for me I don’t see Aidan as a burden because he has special needs. To me it is not “harder” to take care of Aidan, because it is all I know. In a lot of ways I think he is pretty darn easy to care for! I know him, and I have adapted to his needs, just as I will adapt to the needs of the new baby.

Would it have been easier if we had gotten pregnant a year from now? Maybe, maybe not. I have no idea how it will be to care for Aidan in the upcoming years… I don’t even know how long he will be with us here on earth. I can’t wait and wonder, or assume. Since Aidan’s birth I have learned that nothing will be as you expect it, and you can’t really plan accordingly because when you do - life will throw you a curveball. So, is now the right time? We will make it be the right time, because this is what life is giving us right now. A new baby.

As much as I’d like to be, I’m not a super-mom. I know it will be hard having two babies in the house. Jason knows that he will have to pitch in a little more than he has to now. As of now I am capable of taking on most of Aidan’s care, but with another little mouth to feed Jason will have to put in some night shifts!

I try to not get overwhelmed at the thought of two babies in our house - for centuries parents have been having children, sometimes close in age…and they have survived and adapted. Some families have more challenges than others. I have faith that we as parents will adapt, just as we did with Aidan’s special condition. We are not the only family in the world to have a child with a special medical condition, and we won’t be the last. Like Jason says - We can’t stop living life. We just continue to live, and adapt to what life throws at us. And God wouldn’t give us more than we can handle right? (I really hate this saying for some reason). But really, if there was ever a time to believe in that saying, it would be now, right?

We had our first ultrasound on Friday. The doctor who delivered Aidan will be with us the whole way, and this really puts Jason and I at ease. He knows our history, he knows Aidan, and he knows our fears. The ultrasound looked good - just a teeny tiny peanut on the screen. The heart rate was where it should be, and the baby was measuring where we expected it to be (6 weeks 5 days).



Our little baby (the size of a grain of rice) next to the yolk sac which it feeds off of until the placenta is fully formed.
Our doctor talked with us about all the screening tests that we can do in the upcoming weeks, and he will have us do an ultrasound at least once a month to monitor the baby. The doctors did not really catch what was wrong with Aidan during my pregnancy, and in some ways I am glad because there would have been nothing we could have done. There is still a chance, there is always a chance, that something will go undetected in a pregnancy. I don’t think the doctor is worried at this point about this pregnancy. We also met with a genetic counselor who told us he didn’t think we needed to meet with him, or that we shouldn’t have anything to worry about. We have already done all the genetic testing necessary so far, and everything has been negative.

Even with all the ultrasounds and extra care, I think I will still be a worrywart. Everything was perfect with Aidan up until week 12-14. And then that “moment” happened. I think I will be especially nervous around those particular weeks with this pregnancy. Honestly, I’ll probably be a basket case until the baby is here in my arms (but no rush baby, you can stay in the oven until you’re fully cooked!)

I told my doctor that at this point, I don’t know what it is like to have a healthy baby. In some ways I don’t even see having a normal baby as a possibility, and he told me to stop looking for something to be wrong. That really hit home, because I don’t want to look for something to be wrong. In a way, it is just my way of preparing myself just in case. I am going to do my best to not worry, to embrace this pregnancy, and to welcome the idea that this baby will be okay.