Controlled Chaos

Where to start?!  Our sweet little Cole is now 4 weeks old (1 month old on the 29th, although there isn't a 29th of February?!).  I could fill tons of computer screens with words to describe everything we've experienced or felt in the past few weeks! However, I don't think the boys will allow me the time to write all that I would like to ha!

Controlled chaos is how I like to describe our daily life now. A happy, albeit busy, family!

Aidan, Ty & Cole

Aidan 2.5 years, Ty 16 months, Cole 2 weeks old

We are often asked how we are managing with three little boys, how we are adjusting to the new baby, and what exciting new things we are experiencing with a neuro-typical child...  We are not only settling into life as a family of five now, but we are also encountering a totally new parenting adventure as we juggle our special little boys & our 'typical' baby.

Now, before I go any further, I have to stress that I hate the thought of 'comparing' the three boys.  I do recognize that each of our little boys has their own talents & achievements.  But I do not see any one of them as better or greater than the other.  Each boy is different, special, & unique in his own way.  For almost 3 years now we have celebrated Aidan & Ty's every achievement.  Every smile, every milestone (no matter how tiny) has never went unnoticed.  And we will continue to celebrate all that they do.  Just as we cherish all the new & exciting things Cole will do. 

With that being said, we are blown away by all the new things that we are seeing & experiencing through Cole.  Just about every little thing he does amazes us!  To watch him put his hands in his mouth, to see him suck away on his fingers, to have him nonchalantly grab our hand... I think what touches us the most is when he looks at us.  We have never had that - our child looking into our eyes, and speaking without words.  Eye contact!  To see Cole slowly shift his gaze as we move our head from side to side, to see him follow us or follow whatever toy we put in front of his face! Aidan & Ty are both considered technically blind (Ty can see better than Aidan) - they both might see shadows or minor details, and what vision they have comes and goes.  We are always working with them & hoping to catch a moment when they track a toy or stop to look at us.  In the grand scheme of things we know it isn't necessary for Aidan & Ty to see us.  They give us feedback in other ways than with their eyes.  They smile in response to us, they talk or sing in response to us.  Most importantly, they know when we are near.  They find comfort in touch & in hearing our voices.

But wow - to have Cole look at us, or to see him look at a toy!  To have that emotional & physical feedback! Something so simple as eye contact is like a winning lottery ticket to us!

To backtrack a bit - to the beginning... Coming home with Cole wasn't as much of an adjustment as I thought it would be.  First off, I thought I'd get far less sleep.  But I am actually sleeping about as much (if not more?!) than I was before he was born!  This is mainly due in thanks to him being an awesome nurser!  I was so nervous that breastfeeding might prove to be difficult for me, for us all.  I wasn't sure how I would balance feeding all three of the boys (I do the majority of the feedings for all of them).  And after struggling to nurse Aidan & Ty, who fought sucking reflex issues & constant seizures - i wasn't sure if I would be so lucky to have Cole just fall right into it.  But fall into it he did.  I think it helped that I kept him with me, skin to skin, for about the first hour after he was born (minus a few minutes of clearing out his mouth & nose).  He latched on and ate right away, and he has been an expert latcher (not sure if that is a word ha!) ever since!  So this is why I get sleep - because I can sleep while he nurses!  No making bottles, no sitting up and holding a bottle - just pure sleep! So thank you Cole for being the little oinker that you are!

Cole 2 Weeks Old - Sucking on his fingers!  His favorite is his index finger?!

The first two weeks after we were home I dealt with the usual "unleashing of hormones", or baby blues.  I found myself quite weepy.  A part of me was sad I wasn't pregnant anymore - I spent 10 months growing this little being inside my belly and in an instant he was out!  Not only is he out, but he's growing fast, right before our eyes!  I was sad that chapter was over.  I took a lot of comfort in knowing the baby was safe inside my tummy (not to mention easy to care for haha!).  After having Ty, it took me some time to come to grips with the idea that I would not be pregnant again. And now I have to go through that thought process again.

Really, I was weepy for one main reason - because time was going by so fast!  I didn't want my little newborn to grow so fast (but he is!).  The days just kept flying by, and I found myself wishing I could pack up the boys & take us to some remote island where time did not exist!  Then I would feel sad because I knew there was no such thing.  I reminded myself that each day was a blessing, no matter how fast it flew by.  Had to be thankful for each minute!  After having Aidan & Ty, you would think I wouldn't have to remind myself of that kind of stuff...of being thankful for each day.  I remembered how Aidan & Ty stayed so little for so long - they were teeny tiny peanuts for almost their entire first year!  So to see Cole chunk up so quickly - to see him race through so many milestones in the first month alone - it's a shock to my system to say the least!  And then right when Cole turned 2 weeks old, the teary-eyed Mama faded away. Phew!

Jason stayed home with me for a week, and we also had family visiting/helping off and on.  Then by week 2 I was pretty much on my own.  Everything was happening in 3's! It's like having triplets!  I'd give three baths, feed three babes, change 3 diapers, snuggle X3!  It kind of made my head whirl, but at least it was all fairly predictable!  I also managed to master the art of feeding two babies at once (still working on all 3 at once!).  Cole is still small enough that I can nurse him while holding him above either Aidan and Ty - the bigger boys just lay sideways in my lap.  This won't work for much longer though if Cole continues to plump up as quickly as he has been!

Our 'Lil Buckaroo - 9 Days Old

2 Weeks Old

Jason and I (and I'm guessing our friends & family too) spent the first days & weeks closely watching Cole.  Especially the first few days... Jason was convinced he saw Cole having a seizure while we were in the hospital, but I knew it was just normal baby tics & jerks.  Over time Jason realized that Cole's movements were normal.  But that didn't mean we weren't watching for seizures.  Can you blame us?!  I mean, we didn't sit and constantly look for them, but in the back of our mind there were times we did double takes when he moved a certain way.  Even now there are times I see him out of the corner of my eye and I think "Oh, he's having a seizure."  But no, he's not!  He doesn't have seizures, I tell myself.  We are so conditioned, so desensitized to seizures. We see them all the time.  It's like we come to expect them. So not seeing them is abnormal for us.  

Cole has similar movements as his brothers - and I'm just now realizing that some of the movements I thought were Aidan & Ty seizures, are probably actually just regular 'ol movements.  For instance, Aidan used to make this fishy face when he was a little baby - we always thought it was the look he made when in an absent seizure.  Well, Cole makes that same face!  And it's just a face!  That made me feel good knowing maybe Aidan's cute face wasn't a result of abnormal brain activity.  It's just a cute baby face that he, and now his littlest brother, makes!

Obviously because Cole is neuro-typical he will be individually different than his brothers.  In my heart of hearts though, I hoped they wouldn't be completely different.  My heart melted when I began to see tons of similarities among Cole and his brothers.  Just as I noticed similar traits when watching Cole during ultrasounds, I immediately started seeing common characteristics the minute he was born! Everyday we see Cole do something that Aidan does, or making sounds like Ty does... Cole & Aidan both lay their hands the same way when they are content.  Cole sleeps like Ty does.  Cole makes the same angry face that Aidan makes. Cole & Ty both grab at their face when they are upset and wanting to be picked up.  Jason and I both could easily get some of their (all 3 of them!) early baby pictures mixed up.  I love that they are like 3 peas in a pod (there doesn't have to be just 2 peas in a pod, right?).

A Handful of Cuteness!!

Aidan 2.5 years, Ty 17 months, Cole 3 weeks old

More about what Cole has been up to.... he had jaundice for the first couple of weeks (both Aidan and Ty had it for a while too).  He had to wear the glo-worm bili blanket to help him get rid of it, although to me he still looks yellow even though the doctor said his levels are down.  The nurse from the nursery called him a 'reddy' baby - just has that red skin look.  He has sensitive skin like his brothers & Dad.  You touch him and he gets a red mark or his eczema flairs up. But if he's anything like Aidan and Ty, I know this too will pass as he grows.

Not only does he nurse well, but he sleeps pretty well too! That is, if he is next to me or being held.  He really prefers to sleep smack dab against me, probably as a result of the nursing.  I have a feeling I'll have another Mama's boy on my hands, just like Ty!  He is a light sleeper though.  You can't move his blankets, or move anything near him or he wakes up.  You'd think he'd be used to his noisy brothers by now, but nope - they wake him up a lot too.

Sleeping Babe - 11 Days Old

His last day on his bili blanket!  Our little glo-worm!

When he is not eating or sleeping, he is cuddling up with his big brothers.  It's like he's always been here - Aidan and Ty are so used to him.  They love holding him, and often I lay them by each other to nap (with me close by watching them of course!).  

Sometimes I think he is quite bashful.  He does this thing where he looks at you, and you look back, but when he realizes you are making eye contact he makes this cute face and looks down or away, yet gives you a little smirk.  Then he'll look back up, kind of like it's a 'catch me if you can' game!  So I wonder, will he be a shy little boy?  He also gives me the cutest "curious" look.  I think he will be a very inquisitive little man!

Mommy loves her curious little man!

Then, just when I think "Oh, he's going to be the bashful, quiet type" he goes and pulls a sneaky move.  The kid has been ROLLING OVER since he was 2 weeks old!  Almost daily he pulls a sneak attack on me.  He's rolled from front to back, from back to front - on various different surfaces.  He does it when I'm looking, he does it when I'm not looking.  His Daddy is witness to this, too!  I'm sure it's not the purposeful rolling over that will happen in the months to come, but even so, he is definitely rolling!  When he is awake, he wants to play - and I find myself thinking "Isn't he too little to want to play?!".  He wants to be entertained.  He likes to have toys in front of him.  He likes to kick his blankies off and do the "running man" while lying down.  He's a hoot!  When he's like this I call him my little fireball.   So, a warning to anyone who watches him - he's a mover!!

'Lil Spark Plug

Not sure if this is a pro or a con, but Cole has been on the same schedule as Aidan & Ty since the day he came home. He takes a long nap in the morning when they do, he wakes up for breakfast when they do (4:45 am!)... in fact, he wants to eat at the same time as them, always.  It's nice and cute that all three of them do the same thing at the same time - the predictability is nice.  But it can also prove to be a bit hectic for me!

Precious!

4 Weeks Old

So to answer the question(s) how are we doing with 3 little boys, how do we manage?.... Well, some days may be busy, overwhelming, frenzied.  There are days I barely get a chance to eat, there are days I don't get a shower.  All in all, I am usually only away from my boys about 2 hours out of the week (my choice!).  But would I have it any other way?  Absolutely not!  I am loving my life & I love each happy, chaotic day.  Every night I tell the boys I love them as I put them to bed and I hope & pray for another crazy, joyful day!

Our 1st Family of 5 Picture!

P.S.  To answer a question - the shirts that the boys wore right after Cole was born came from a kiosk at our local mall - a small embroidery business!